


Clean Slate

by pieceofshir



Series: Longing, Rusted, Seventeen [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2021 is already garbage might as well give up, Angsty but with a good amount of fluff, Cas/Dean endgame but only later in the series, Castiel’s adventures in lobotomy, I promise, M/M, let’s get sad, soon though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:33:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28630338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pieceofshir/pseuds/pieceofshir
Summary: In September of 2008, Castiel had a conversation with Dean Winchester that troubled him for years.“Three days ago, you thought there was no such thing as me. Why do you think we’re here walking among you now, for the first time in 2000 years?” Even as he said it, Castiel felt a strange buzzing at the ends of his grace, the words leaving a taste of ash in the back of his borrowed throat. He pushed it aside, focusing on Dean’s voice when he felt that awful sinking sensation he never spoke a word of.The doubt.
Relationships: Castiel (Supernatural)/Original Character(s), Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Longing, Rusted, Seventeen [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098107
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Clean Slate

In September of 2008, Castiel had a conversation with Dean Winchester that troubled him for years.  
“Three days ago, you thought there was no such thing as me. Why do you think we’re here walking among you now, for the first time in 2000 years?” Even as he said it, Castiel felt a strange buzzing at the ends of his grace, the words leaving a taste of ash in the back of his borrowed throat. He pushed it aside, focusing on Dean’s voice when he felt that awful sinking sensation he never spoke a word of.   
The doubt.  
——  
November, 1943

Castiel ducked into the alley, pulling his hat lower to better shield his face. The soldiers on the road paid him no mind, talking animatedly to each other, laughing and smiling as if they weren’t discussing their favorite ways to hurt their fellow man. Shuddering at the thought, he continued on the narrow path, eventually stopping at a doorway, mostly covered by trash cans and abandoned furniture. He knocked quietly, twice, then paused, then once, then twice again, before slipping inside, locking the door behind him with just a thought. “Joseph?” He called into the small apartment, not worrying that anyone would hear. The building was completely cloaked to all beings save for himself, and the very man he was calling. “I’m back, and I’ve brought the coffee!”  
“You truly are an angel.” Joseph chuckled, taking the can with a smile. “Yes,” Castiel responded dryly, “The wars I have fought in Heaven’s name, hiding you from the nazi soldiers... none of that compares to rationed coffee.” Joseph nodded. “Damn right. Castiel; Shield of God, bringer of the beans.”   
Castiel couldn’t help but smile at the way his name sounded in Joseph’s German accent. His own vessel was a French soldier, a young man named Victor, who had prayed in the trenches to be saved while the nazis gunned down his entire team. Castiel had answered his calls, despite his superiors warning him to ignore them, and he’d been fleeing both the Germans and the angels when Joseph had quite literally run into him. That had been two years ago, and they’d been hiding together ever since. “Tell me, angel,” Joseph leaned against the cracked counter, “what’s it like out there? Does the sun still shine? Is the grass still green?”  
“It’s November, Joseph.” Castiel deadpanned. “There isn’t much sun or grass outside.” Joseph pouted, brown eyes dancing playfully. “Pity.” Castiel huffed a laugh. “Have you finished the book I brought you?” It had become their favorite pastime, every now and then Castiel would sneak out and smuggle a book from the banned list. “Not yet.” He sighed, “It’s... difficult.” Castiel nodded in understanding. “Remarque’s portrayal makes them seem almost...”  
“Human.” Joseph whispered. “But humans are not capable of horrors like these.” Castiel felt a wave of sympathy at the faraway look in Joseph’s misty eyes, no doubt remembering his younger sister, and his father, and everyone else he’d known and loved and lost. Not for the first time, he found himself wishing he could simply fly them to a secluded corner of Heaven, where no one could touch them. But he supposed a two bedroom apartment tucked away in east Berlin would have to do. “Everything happens for a reason.” Castiel said, though with each passing day Joseph seemed to lose more of his faith in the angel’s promise. “I don’t suppose today is the day you can actually, y’know, tell me the reason?” Joseph tried, but Castiel just smiled sadly. “Figured.” Joseph sighed, “Though, there is one good thing to come from this nightmare.” Castiel tilted his head in confusion, and Joseph laughed, reaching out to punch him in the shoulder. “You, Castiel.” He took a step closer, expression growing serious. “Whatever happens, whatever is going on out there,” his dark brown eyes searched Victor’s blue ones, looking straight through them into the very core of the angel’s grace, “whatever else, know I am so very glad that I met you, Castiel.”  
-  
It was nearly a full year later that they were discovered.  
“Castiel, is there anything you can do?” Joseph shouted over the pounding against the door. “I don’t know!” Castiel cried, arm outstretched in front of him as he recited another incantation. The hidden wards on the walls glowed dimly, and he knew they wouldn’t last much longer. “Hoc domui munito!” The wards were barely visible, and he could see the door begin to break. “It’s over.” Joseph whispered, staring at the door with wide, unblinking eyes. “Don’t say that.” Castiel snapped, “Please, Joseph, don’t-” he was cut off by the door flying off its hinges, splintering into a thousand pieces as it smashed into the wall, just narrowly missing the two of them, and three men stood in the empty doorway.   
No, not men. Angels.  
“Castiel.” The one on the left said, mouth curving upwards in a sinister smile, “We’ve been looking for you.”  
“Barely three whole years.” Castiel’s eyes widened as he recognised Naomi in the middle, “I like to think we’re getting better at this.”  
“Please.” Castiel begged, moving to shield Joseph with his body, “We haven’t hurt anybody, we just-” Naomi held up a hand, silencing Castiel. “Take him.”  
The two lackeys advanced on them. “Please-” Joseph stepped between them and Castiel, but the one on the right simply waved a hand, sending him flying into the wall. “Joseph!” He struggled as the angels grabbed him from either side. He broke his right arm free, turning and punching the angel on the left, and scrambling back. “Castiel.” Joseph rushed forward, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him in, kissing him deeply. He pushed his hands into the angel’s soft blonde hair, tasting salt.  
Castiel was crying.  
“My angel.” Joseph muttered, “I am so very glad I met you.”  
“I’ll come back to you.” Castiel promised.  
“End this.” Naomi said, a bored expression on the vessel’s face. Joseph screamed as Castiel was ripped away from him. “No!” Castiel thrashed against them as they began to drag him away. “Wait!” Joseph lunged, but the angels were gone. He heard footsteps coming closer, a horrified look coloring his features as he looked up onto the faces of two German soldiers.  
——  
November, 2012

Dean closed the door behind them as the three entered the motel. “Apparently Aliya went to visit her father the day before she went missing. Uh...” he looked at the name her daughter had texted him, “Joseph Saloman.”  
Castiel froze, causing Sam to make a noise of protest as he nearly bumped into his back. “Somethin’ wrong, Cas?” Dean asked. He felt both brothers watching him before he turned to face them. “That name...” he muttered, “I feel like I’ve heard it before.”  
“I don’t see why you would.” Dean made a face, looking back down at the address. “What business would you have with a 90 year old Holocaust survivor?”  
“Don’t think any of you were around much back then.” Sam muttered. Cas turned to him sharply. “God works-” he froze, eyes wide. Dean leaned in, a confused look on his face. “How does he work?” He said, smirking. “-in mysterious ways.” Cas whispered. “There it is.” Dean huffed a laugh, clapping him on the back as he passed, making his way to the fridge. “So, why don’t we go get lunch, and then head over?” He tossed a beer across the room to Sam, who caught it easily. “Sounds good.” He called, then softer, so just Cas would hear him, “Are you sure you’re okay?” Cas lifted his eyes to meet Sam’s, which were wide in concern. “I don’t know.” Cas admitted.  
-  
“Joseph?” The nurse called gently, opening the door and poking her head in. “You have some people who would like to talk to you.” She opened the door, stepping aside to let them in. “Mr. Saloman.” Sam said as the nurse left, reaching for his badge. “My name is-”  
“Castiel?” Joseph stood on shaking legs. The brothers turned to Cas, who was standing behind them, looking as if he’d seen a ghost. “It is you, isn’t it?” Joseph took a step closer, moving past Sam and Dean as if he couldn’t even see them. “I’d never forget those eyes.”  
“Why can’t I remember yours?” Cas whispered, swallowing around the lump in his throat. A tear slid down Joseph’s cheek as he reached out, cupping Cas’ cheek gently. The boys exchanged a look as Cas leaned into the touch, eyes filled with fear and confusion. “My angel.” Joseph muttered, wiping a tear that Cas hadn’t even felt slip out. “What did they do to you?”  
“I...” Cas reached up, gripping Joseph’s hand tightly, looking over his shoulder with a faraway look in his eyes. “They hurt me.” He remembered, “They made me forget you.” Joseph let out a quiet sob, dropping his hand to Cas’ shoulder, pulling him in to hug him tightly.  
Dean turned to Sam. “What is...” he muttered. “I don’t know.” Sam breathed, unable to take his eyes off of their friend and his... old friend, Sam supposed.  
“I’m so sorry.” Cas whispered, face buried in Joseph’s thin silver hair, memories of brown hair that never stayed down no matter what they’d tried flooding his memories. “I left, and they found you because of me, I’m so sorry.”  
“Don’t you dare blame yourself, Castiel.” Joseph spoke harshly, pulling away. He turned to the brothers, wiping the tears out of his eyes. “You.” He zeroed in on Dean, “You’re-”  
“A friend.” Castiel interrupted, “Dean is a friend.” Something flickered across Joseph’s face. “If you say so.” He winked at Cas, who turned bright red. “Uh...” Dean looked between them, “Yeah. Dean is a friend.” Cas nodded. “A friend.” He agreed. Sam raised a hand slightly, smiling awkwardly. “Sam is a friend, too.” He supplied, looking to Cas for confirmation. “Yes.” Cas huffed about a laugh, “Sam, too.” Joseph nodded, satisfied. “You wanted to ask me about Aliya, is that right? You’re hunting whatever killed her?” Not knowing what else to do, the brothers nodded silently. “Give us a moment,” Joseph smiled sadly, “and then I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” Sam nodded, nudging Dean as they hurried out of the room. Once the door was shut behind them, Joseph gestured for Cas to sit on the bed with him. “Joseph,” Cas began, “I-”  
“You owe me no apologies, Castiel.” Joseph said gently, and even after all those years, Castiel still loved the sound of his name in that beautiful voice. “Because you kept your promise.” He felt a stab of pain where Jimmy’s heart once pumped blood through his veins. “It took you a while,” Joseph laughed lightly, “But you came back to me.”  
“I should’ve fought harder.” Castiel insisted, “Joseph, what you went through, because of me, it-”  
“My goodness, angel, I know you aren’t about to blame yourself for the Second World War.” He glared at Castiel, who fell silent, looking down guiltily. “That’s what I thought. Castiel, you keeping me hidden as long as you did is what saved my life in the end. And, well,” he turned, drawing Castiel’s attention to a picture on his nightstand, a very happy family. His family. “God works in mysterious ways.”  
Despite everything, Cas smiled, rolling his eyes at the man he once loved. “Castiel.” Joseph took his hand, “Promise me you won’t blame yourself. Remember what I said?” Castiel nodded sadly, remembering that awful day, and every moment that followed. “My angel,” he muttered, “I am so very glad I met you.”  
“I will see you again.” Castiel promised, and Joseph laughed. “Oh, I’m counting on it.” He said, “You’re my ticket upstairs, Castiel.” The two shared a smile. “I’ll escort you myself.”  
“I know you will.” He said gently, patting Cas’ knee. “Now, let’s let those friends of yours back in.” He stood, and for a brief moment, he was back in that apartment, watching a young man with a soul brighter than anything he’d ever seen leading Castiel in a dance around the living room to the music playing only in their heads.  
“I like that Dean fellow.” Joseph winked, walking towards the door. “Yes,” Cas said softly, just before Joseph turned the door handle, “I like him, too.”


End file.
